Finding the Courage to Change: Cutting Through the Gordian Knot

Cutting Through the Gordian Knot: The Courage to Change and Break Free

Life’s challenges can often feel like a Gordian knot—an intricate, tangled mess of past experiences, limiting beliefs, and deep-rooted fears that seem impossible to untangle. But just like in the ancient myth where Alexander the Great boldly sliced through the knot instead of untying it, we too have the ability to cut through our personal struggles by summoning the courage to change.

In psychology, three key themes are crucial when it comes to fostering the courage to change and break free from these mental entanglements: acceptance of truth, responsibility for personal growth, and the power of autonomy. By weaving these themes together, we can find not only the strength to confront our deepest fears but also the tools to move beyond them.

1. The Truth Will Set You Free — But First, It Will Challenge You

Many of us have heard the phrase "the truth will set you free," but in reality, the truth often feels like it does the opposite. Instead of offering immediate release, it confronts us with the weight of our history, unresolved emotional debts, and difficult patterns we’ve carried forward. This is where the Gordian knot metaphor comes into play—our lives can become so intertwined with old stories, defense mechanisms, and unconscious fears that we feel trapped by them.

In therapy, the first step toward change is accepting the truth about ourselves. This means looking honestly at the patterns that keep us stuck, the fears that hold us back, and the ways we avoid responsibility. Facing these uncomfortable realities requires tremendous courage, but once we do, we gain the strength to rise above survival mode. We stop simply managing our problems and begin actively transforming them.

2. Owning Your Story: Responsibility for Personal Growth

The next key theme in unraveling the Gordian knot of personal struggles is taking responsibility for your growth. In many cases, we resist change because it feels safer to stay in familiar patterns, even when they no longer serve us. We may blame external circumstances, other people, or even our past for why we feel stuck. However, this creates a dependency on external forces and takes away our power.

In contrast, real growth requires us to take ownership of our lives. We must recognize that, while we can’t control everything that happens to us, we have control over how we respond to it. Therapy offers a supportive space to begin questioning the narratives that make us feel small, dependent, or afraid of failure. In doing so, we start to dismantle the layers of the knot, releasing ourselves from the grip of past hurts or limiting beliefs.

By owning your choices and accepting that no one else is responsible for your life, you reclaim your power. This shift allows you to see the Gordian knot not as an insurmountable obstacle but as an opportunity for transformation.

3. The Power of Autonomy: Living on Your Terms

Lastly, autonomy is the third essential theme in the journey of courage and change. True freedom comes not just from untangling yourself from the past but from learning how to embrace your personal power. Many people avoid stepping into their power because of the fear of making mistakes or the discomfort of uncertainty. It can feel easier to follow someone else’s lead or rely on external validation to guide your choices.

However, living in this way keeps us small and dependent. Real courage involves taking bold action—trusting your ability to navigate life’s challenges and respecting your own autonomy. It also means allowing others the space to grow without imposing your control over their journey. As Alfred Adler, the renowned psychologist, emphasized: courage is contagious. By developing our own inner strength, we inspire those around us to embrace their autonomy and courage as well.

Much like the African proverb, “The trouble for the thief is not how to steal the chief’s bugle, but where to blow it,” the real challenge in personal growth is not in gaining power or freedom but in learning how to use it wisely. With autonomy comes the responsibility to make decisions that are aligned with your values, to navigate life without needing constant approval, and to step into your potential without fear of failure.

Summoning the Courage to Change

The process of untangling the Gordian knot within ourselves requires both vulnerability and boldness. It’s not about avoiding challenges or hoping they’ll work themselves out, but about cutting through the entanglements with the courage to confront the truth, take responsibility for personal growth, and claim our autonomy. In therapy and in life, the courage to change is the key to real freedom.

No one else can make these changes for you. You are the architect of your life, and only you can choose to cut through the knots that bind you. The question isn’t whether you have the strength—it’s whether you have the courage to use it. And when you do, you’ll not only transform yourself but also create a ripple effect, inspiring others to summon their courage and break free from their own Gordian knots.

References:

Adler, A. (1930). The Science of Living.

How Do You Know if Therapy is Working?

People come to therapy for a lot of different reasons: depression, anxiety, relationship issues--the list goes on and on. With so many different reasons to seek support, how do you know when therapy is working? 

1.You’re trying something different

What’s that saying? 

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” --Albert Einstein

People usually start coming to therapy when something in their life isn’t working. It can be very easy to keep ourselves stuck in a rut, engaging in the same old ways of coping,  just hoping for things to be different. Starting therapy is usually the first step to trying something different. Over time, you might begin to notice that you’re reacting to old situations in new ways. 

2.You might start feeling a little bit worse

As weird as it may sound, you might begin to feel a little bit worse after starting therapy. Now, you’re probably asking yourself: why would I sign myself up for feeling worse? You’d be surprised how much of our time we spend on autopilot--completely unaware of how we’re feeling. A  part of working with a mindfulness-based therapist is learning how to become more aware of what you’re feeling. Chances are, you’re not necessarily feeling worse, you’re just more aware of how you’re feeling.

3. You’re talking more about your feelings

Some people come to therapy because they have difficulty talking about their feelings. Therapy is not only a great place to become more aware of how you’re feeling, but it is also a great place to practice putting your feelings into words. You may begin to notice that the more you vocalize how you’re feeling in therapy, the easier it becomes in other areas of your life. 

4. You’re more accepting of where you’re at

People come to therapy for a lot of different reasons. It can be very easy to put a lot of expectations on ourselves. Remember: change takes time. One way you might notice therapy is working is when you begin to accept where you are at instead of comparing yourself to an idea of where you should be.

5. You’re asking: how do I know therapy is working?

People often have the experience of becoming more self-reflective after starting therapy. It makes sense that you’d eventually want to re-evaluate how things are going with your therapist, what progress you’ve made, and clarify your goals for therapy. If you’re asking this question, chances are therapy is working.  

It’s important to highlight again: people come to therapy for a lot of different reasons. How to tell if therapy is working depends on why you started therapy. This is by no means an extensive list but might serve as a conversation starter in your next therapy session. 

Next time, we’ll talk about how to tell when therapy isn’t working.