Finding the Courage to Change: Cutting Through the Gordian Knot

Cutting Through the Gordian Knot: The Courage to Change and Break Free

Life’s challenges can often feel like a Gordian knot—an intricate, tangled mess of past experiences, limiting beliefs, and deep-rooted fears that seem impossible to untangle. But just like in the ancient myth where Alexander the Great boldly sliced through the knot instead of untying it, we too have the ability to cut through our personal struggles by summoning the courage to change.

In psychology, three key themes are crucial when it comes to fostering the courage to change and break free from these mental entanglements: acceptance of truth, responsibility for personal growth, and the power of autonomy. By weaving these themes together, we can find not only the strength to confront our deepest fears but also the tools to move beyond them.

1. The Truth Will Set You Free — But First, It Will Challenge You

Many of us have heard the phrase "the truth will set you free," but in reality, the truth often feels like it does the opposite. Instead of offering immediate release, it confronts us with the weight of our history, unresolved emotional debts, and difficult patterns we’ve carried forward. This is where the Gordian knot metaphor comes into play—our lives can become so intertwined with old stories, defense mechanisms, and unconscious fears that we feel trapped by them.

In therapy, the first step toward change is accepting the truth about ourselves. This means looking honestly at the patterns that keep us stuck, the fears that hold us back, and the ways we avoid responsibility. Facing these uncomfortable realities requires tremendous courage, but once we do, we gain the strength to rise above survival mode. We stop simply managing our problems and begin actively transforming them.

2. Owning Your Story: Responsibility for Personal Growth

The next key theme in unraveling the Gordian knot of personal struggles is taking responsibility for your growth. In many cases, we resist change because it feels safer to stay in familiar patterns, even when they no longer serve us. We may blame external circumstances, other people, or even our past for why we feel stuck. However, this creates a dependency on external forces and takes away our power.

In contrast, real growth requires us to take ownership of our lives. We must recognize that, while we can’t control everything that happens to us, we have control over how we respond to it. Therapy offers a supportive space to begin questioning the narratives that make us feel small, dependent, or afraid of failure. In doing so, we start to dismantle the layers of the knot, releasing ourselves from the grip of past hurts or limiting beliefs.

By owning your choices and accepting that no one else is responsible for your life, you reclaim your power. This shift allows you to see the Gordian knot not as an insurmountable obstacle but as an opportunity for transformation.

3. The Power of Autonomy: Living on Your Terms

Lastly, autonomy is the third essential theme in the journey of courage and change. True freedom comes not just from untangling yourself from the past but from learning how to embrace your personal power. Many people avoid stepping into their power because of the fear of making mistakes or the discomfort of uncertainty. It can feel easier to follow someone else’s lead or rely on external validation to guide your choices.

However, living in this way keeps us small and dependent. Real courage involves taking bold action—trusting your ability to navigate life’s challenges and respecting your own autonomy. It also means allowing others the space to grow without imposing your control over their journey. As Alfred Adler, the renowned psychologist, emphasized: courage is contagious. By developing our own inner strength, we inspire those around us to embrace their autonomy and courage as well.

Much like the African proverb, “The trouble for the thief is not how to steal the chief’s bugle, but where to blow it,” the real challenge in personal growth is not in gaining power or freedom but in learning how to use it wisely. With autonomy comes the responsibility to make decisions that are aligned with your values, to navigate life without needing constant approval, and to step into your potential without fear of failure.

Summoning the Courage to Change

The process of untangling the Gordian knot within ourselves requires both vulnerability and boldness. It’s not about avoiding challenges or hoping they’ll work themselves out, but about cutting through the entanglements with the courage to confront the truth, take responsibility for personal growth, and claim our autonomy. In therapy and in life, the courage to change is the key to real freedom.

No one else can make these changes for you. You are the architect of your life, and only you can choose to cut through the knots that bind you. The question isn’t whether you have the strength—it’s whether you have the courage to use it. And when you do, you’ll not only transform yourself but also create a ripple effect, inspiring others to summon their courage and break free from their own Gordian knots.

References:

Adler, A. (1930). The Science of Living.

Turning Heartbreak into Healing: Aristotle's Wisdom in Couple Therapy

"Love is the measure of faith" - Pope Francis

When it comes to love and relationships, Aristotle's timeless wisdom is relevant today, particularly in the context of couples therapy. Aristotle thought that true love and friendship are founded on "reciprocated goodwill." But it's not enough to simply treat each other kindly; the source of that kindness is equally important. According to Aristotle, the deepest, most meaningful relationships are those in which both partners sincerely love each other for who they are, rather than what they can gain from the connection. His argument was that this type of affection can only exist between individuals who are similar in morality and genuinely want the best for one another.

These concepts are extremely important in marital therapy. A lot of couples seek therapy when they experience feelings of disconnection, hurt, or frustration. They may believe that the love they once had has vanished, or that their relationship has become more about convenience or habit than genuine connection. The wisdom of Aristotle may open couples to the fact that there is a strong correlation between the nature of love they share and the depth of that love.

We might say that the psychological distress that troubled couples experience is the result of investing energy into a relationship that may lack meaning and depth. These are the disappointments that result from relationships in which love is conditional, totally reliant on what each individual can provide rather than a deep, mutual respect for each other's genuine selves.

Helping couples transform these "worthless tragedies" into "worthwhile tragedies" is one way therapy can facilitate healing. In this case, a good tragedy is the emotional pain that comes from loving and committing to each other deeply, even though their lives continue to pose challenges. It's the pain of working through differences, growing together, and facing life's challenges together—knowing that the bond you share is real and lasting.

In therapy, couples might examine if their love is based on goodness and mutual kindness or on superficial elements. This exploration has the potential to be life-changing. When couples begin to focus on fully understanding and loving each other for who they are, shifting their attention from what they can get to what they can give, their relationship can transform from fragile to resilient.

Relationships aren't immune to heartbreak; problems in life are inevitable. Still, couples can make the most of the challenges they encounter as a unit by cultivating a love rooted in Aristotle's principles of honesty and true generosity. These "worthwhile tragedies" are the challenges that, in the end, enrich a relationship, enhancing the bond between partners and allowing them to grow both individually and together.

Couple therapy is more than just problem solving; it is also about guiding couples to build a relationship that is strong enough to withstand life's storms. Relationships can become more meaningful and resilient by learning and using Aristotle's advice. The inevitable heartaches and hardships of life can then be transformed into opportunities for growth, bringing depth to the love they share.

Couples who focus on developing a relationship based on mutual respect, virtue, and genuine kindness can transform life's unavoidable difficulties into times of profound connection and understanding. Finally, these worthwhile tragedies make love beautiful and enduring.

The Group Podcast Ep. 28 "Women, Intersectionality, and Power In Group Leadership"

Podcast Preview: In this episode, Angelo talks with Yoon Kane and Annie Weiss who, along with Saralyn Masselink, edited and contributed chapters to “Women, Intersectionality, and Power in Group Psychotherapy Leadership” (2022, Routledge).

 Their conversation explores how this project sought to address the conspicuous void in professional literature on the complex challenges women group leaders face and how such dilemmas can be understood & skillfully addressed. Intersectionality is also discussed as an organizing principle in the book’s illuminating investigation. Finally, both Yoon’s chapter “Courage to Lead: The Shadow of Racism on Women of Color Leading Psychotherapy Groups” and Annie’s chapter “Training Elastigirl: Developing Strength and Flexibility in Female Group Psychotherapists” are talked about in depth. Check out this incredibly thought-provoking conversation today!
 

Contributors to
“Women, Intersectionality, and Power in Group Psychotherapy Leadership”
Alexandra (Sasha) Watkins
Alexis D. Abernethy
Ali Kimmell
Annie C. Weiss
Britt Raphling
Elizabeth (Libby) Shapiro and Rachel Ginzberg
Ellen L. Wright
Janice M. Morris
Jeanne Bunker
Julie Anderson
Kavita Avula
Madeline Victore Stein
Nina W. Brown
Saralyn M. Masselink
Shemika M. Brooks
Susan P. Gantt
Yesel Yoon
Yoon Im Kane

Media Consumption and Our Mental Health.

News coverage, social media, and the endless notifications, emails, pings, etc. that we receive each day can significantly impact our mental health. The disproportionate representation of negative events is part of a cycle that is feeding our innate self-protective nature and thus contributing to our heightened level of stress and anxiety. Such a chronic state of hyper-vigilance may contribute to mental health issues, including anxiety and depression, as individuals grapple with the emotional toll of witnessing discrimination, injustice, and brutality. Families, especially children, are not immune to the effects of this collective trauma, which tends to hit minority communities the hardest as our negative bias, hyper-vigilance, and hard wiring will easily generalize the acts of an individual to an entire community or system—in essence, seeing any stick in our path as a snake. 

So what do we do with these complex feelings of fear, helplessness, frustration, and anger that impact our self-esteem and mental well-being? And how do we safely navigate our families through this collective trauma, which can have intergenerational effects?

1. Foster Open Communication: It is important to foster open communication in our families, with close attention to providing age-appropriate information. Consider a child’s ability for abstract reasoning, which fully develops between the ages of 11 and 17+, and how information and guidance must be more simple and concrete the younger they are. 

2. Encouragement: Parents should encourage questions, validate feelings, and express empathy without oversharing or implicitly expecting a child to care for their sadness, pain, or other difficult emotions. Remember to use curiosity and investigate to gauge your child’s understanding, ensuring you meet them at their level. 

3. Positivity: Keep things positive, and highlight efforts for peace and resolution. Discuss coping mechanisms and the role of family and community or other supports during these difficult and confusing times. Inspire agency and responsibility.

4. Diverse Perspectives and Responsible Use of Technology: Education is critical in combating stereotypes and prejudice. Take time to consider where you get your information, and do your best to minimize your own bias, which may be based on misinformation. Keep an open mind with a call to action fostering inclusivity and diversity.

5. Service and Kindness to Others: Foster a philosophy based on the search for humanity in others. We must grow our relationships based on attraction and not fear. Be of service, and continue to be curious (teach and learn) so that we find ways to move us all forward together.

References

Hirschberger G. (2018). Collective Trauma and the Social Construction of Meaning. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1441. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01441

Simran Jeet Singh (2022). The Light We Give. Penguin.

Mindful.nyc in the Press

Originally published on January 31, 2022 by Ryan Castillo with Redfin Blog Updated on May 19th, 2022

Mindfulness Home Design 2022: Expert Tips to Inspire Mindfulness at Home

The original post can be found here.

We all strive to have a haven that brings us peace, security, and tranquility. However, amidst all the day-to-day tasks and responsibilities that pop up in our lives, oftentimes it can be hard to take a break, center ourselves, and focus on mindfulness. Having a dedicated space or bringing in items and decor that inspire mindfulness into our homes can serve as a reminder to take a breath and focus on what is going on around us. To help you get started, we reached out to mindfulness experts across Chicago, IL to Kelowna, BC to give us their best tips to inspire mindfulness at home. From emphasizing things that create heat to incorporating plants into your decor, keep reading to see what they had to say.

1) Choose quality items and decorations that make you happy

Don’t buy into short-term decor trends, instead choose what makes you happy, invest in quality items, and play with the idea of creating mini zones throughout your space such as a meditation, reading, or yoga corner, always ready for you to plug into. – Sabrina Weber of Femme Du Soleil

2) Identify a designated mindfulness space 

The first step to cultivating mindfulness at home is identifying a designated (and nonnegotiable) mindfulness space. Intentionally creating a special space for mindfulness will help you practice it more consistently, effectively, and comfortably. So, whether you’re designing an elaborate meditation loft, or just trying to make the corner of your bedroom a little more zen, it’s important to make that space sacred. – Loretta Turner, MA, CNP, Certified Mindfulness Coach

3) Emphasize things that create heat 

Heat is pleasant and regulating for our mind, body, and spirit, and brings us back into the present moment. Emphasize things in your home that bring you heat. For example, the bathtub, a fireplace, heated blankets, or a tea kettle. Bring more things into your home that can provide you warmth when you need it. – Kerry J Heckman, Therapist

4) Try sound healing 

Sound healing is an ancient healing art that is making a modern resurgence. Having Bluetooth speakers in each room of the home playing calming, peaceful, or joyful music can bring mindfulness to whatever you’re doing. – Empowered Meditation and Sound Healing

5) Try a diffuser, soft textures, and energizing plants 

Though our minds may wander throughout the day, our external space can serve as a reminder to mindfully reconnect with our internal space – a diffuser with your favorite scent, soft textures around you, energizing plants, and objects that remind you of our values. A space created with mindful intention has the power to bring us back to the here and now and to experience life more fully and peacefully. – Elizabeth Alli, Founder at DesignerUp

6) Incorporate natural elements into your home 

Be sure to add natural materials, plants, and water features to your designs, keep clutter to a minimum, and consider carving out a comfortable spot to create a relaxation retreat. There are even products that can help you see how your brain responds to different paint colors, scents, views, and decor as you plan your new, calming designs. – FocusCalm

7) Introduce mindful self-compassion into your space 

Turn your home into a sanctuary by introducing mindful self-compassion into your space. Add elements that soothe and comfort – faux fur blankets, a warm fire, comfy pillows, an essential oil diffuser, gentle music, warm lights, and soft colors. Place a hand over your heart as you listen to soft sounds, take in the healing scents, and sink into the comfort you’ve created. – The Counseling and Mindfulness Group

8) Try a sensory experience

Mindfulness is all about coming back home to the present moment and nothing does this better than connecting to your senses. To create more mindfulness in your space try and create a sensory experience by using textured pillows, unique fabrics, scented candles, patterned artwork, and anything that makes you feel connected to nature. – Katie Cheadle 

9) Incorporate house plants into your decor

Bringing a snippet of nature indoors by incorporating houseplants into your decor is a simple and easy way to create a mindfulness space. There are many options to complement your personal style. – Mindful Modern Living

10) Create mindful living by decluttering 

Clutter in the home can be distracting. My favorite way to create a mindful living space is to simplify it without limiting the colors, textures, or designs. – Alex G Shearer

11) Make sure your space reflects your personality 

Create a home that is true to who you are. Mindfulness begins by being in tune with things that speak to you. It’s easy to fall into design trends, so always make sure that it is true to who you are so that your space reflects your personality and in doing so, creates a peaceful retreat. – Emmygination

12) Incorporate natural surroundings to help you be present 

Creating a dedicated spot in your home for contemplation and meditation is a simple way to commit to daily mindfulness practice. Incorporating your natural surroundings can help you tune in and become fully present, for example, placing a chair in front of a sunny window. You can devote time to paying attention to the sensation of the sun on your face as a focal point for your meditation. – mindful.nyc

13) Declutter and organize your home

Clutter and disorganization can cause stress and anxiety. You may be able to improve your mood and mental clarity by simply removing things that no longer fit your home and making space for things that do. – Kady Brown Interiors 

14) Pay attention to the purpose of your spaces 

Mindful design is about paying attention, tuning into what each room within the home’s purpose is, and how it supports those living in the home. Mindful design is about creating a sense of balance within each room and the home as a whole. We can use elements like plants, natural lighting, scents, and colors to create the feeling, look, and vibe we each need to balance and thrive in life. – Nourished Home

15) Find a corner where you can set up items that make you calm 

As a business owner, movement instructor, and busy mom, creating space for a mindfulness practice has been key in keeping me balanced and grounded. To help set the tone for a mindful practice in your own home, find a corner where you can set up a few things that bring you a sense of calm such as a yoga mat, candles, and a journal. Even placing these items in a small basket in the corner of your bedroom will remind you to take 5, get down on the floor, and breathe. – Mindful Movement with Maggie

16) Create tech-free zones 

Allow your home to be as conducive as possible to living mindfully, create zones within your home that are completely tech-free, and give you the opportunity to “just be” rather than always doing. This could look like the kitchen bench or breakfast bar, so you enjoy present conversations with your family to start the day while making breakfast or your morning brew or a nook complete with a rocking chair facing a window or door with a view or a leafy outlook. Have a side table for your drink or journal, a plant to inspire mindfulness, books or mags within easy reach, a lamp, and even a cozy blanket. – Slow Coaching Co.

17) Use the three-step mindfulness practice – Pause, breathe, and notice

At each step of the decorating process, whether you are sitting down to begin planning your project or deep in the midst of making final color and layout choices, pause and breathe, feeling sensations in your body as you take three, slow, deeper breaths, then notice what decor choices feel truly pleasant and supportive to you. Try this practice to tune into your own natural, inner wisdom or home designer, to let go of ideas about how your space ‘should’ be, and discover how to create a space that supports the authentic life you dream of. – Julie Woodward, MSW

18) Keep mindfulness practices accessible

If it’s out of sight, it may very likely be out of mind. If you love to practice seated mindful movement, you might try keeping your dedicated chair where you can see it often, free of any clutter. If you work from home and struggle to make time for breaks, you might try keeping a mindful chime on your desk to remind you to take an informal 5-minute mindful moment. If you want to be more intentional in practicing compassion mindfulness, you might try keeping your mindfulness journal on your coffee table where you sit and drink your coffee in the morning. – Mindfulness First

19) Embrace indoor-outdoor living

For decompressing, we have a sauna and a steam shower, as well as a saltwater pool that we keep on the warmer side to float in for relaxation. I also think it’s important to embrace an indoor/outdoor connection not just with plants, but with a design element that feels like you’re bringing nature in. For example, we have a large accordion door that opens up to the backyard from our main living space and in our bathroom, we choose a tile that looks almost wood-like surrounding the bathtub that I like to soak in after a long day. – Mindfulness Matters 

20) Keep a pen and notepad close to you

Place a pretty jar or container with a notepad and pen in a central location in your home and take the time to jot down simple words and phrases that represent moments of gratitude or creativity, brilliant ideas, sincere emotion, and affirmations. Multiply these “mindful moments” by designating a time each week to reflect on the notes in your jar, recalling how you felt about each one at the moment you wrote it, and noticing how you feel about it now. Living mindfully often requires a willingness to slow down and capture these small, yet meaningful moments amid the busyness and to-do lists of every day, which in turn helps cultivate a sense of ease, accomplishment, happiness, and peace. – HomeGirl by Design

LEGAL: This article is for informational purposes only. Individual results may vary. Redfin is not affiliated with nor endorses or guarantees any of the individuals, resources or websites mentioned. 

Redfin does not provide medical advice. This article is not a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your health. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on Redfin’s blog.

Ryan Castillo

Ryan is part of the Content Marketing team and enjoys writing about market trends and local insights. His dream home would be a large cape cod-style house by the beach.

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